miserable

I had written earlier about my miserable entry on wednesday when Romas, who was not satisfied enough with my apology and explaination during the meeting with him on tuesday, had eventually repeating the situation in the email. But the entry was accidently deleted. Probably it was not suitable to be written in such emotional way. That's why it was accidently deleted.

I believe I had done nothing wrong to put him in an akward position. If I were to mean bad, why should I cc my e-mail to Robert to him.

I came on wed because I had a meeting about my reaserch project. I was so miserable that I had no choice, I went up to see Karim. I found out eventually from Ah may that Karim was not the right one. But this place is full with the unkown.

My principle is, it is better trust no one than anyone. But being honest is not going to stop me saying anything that I believe is right. It is so wrong of Romas to abandon me for 3 months. That is not fair epsecially I have been paying the money. At least my sponsor is paying. The time delay does not include the summer time. Plus with that I have about 6 months without any supervision after Nancy died! That is so unfair.

So beating around the bush help me to get somewhere!

I cried to Karim and then to Robert. I did not mean to cry but this jurney is so emotional to me. I already have a difficult one, but please do not make it more difficult.

Once I cried, it was quite difficult to stop. That is why I never cry, or at least I tried my best not to do so. But the incident with Romas really drove the emotional feeling to the wall. Why do I have to be here to suffer!

I met the guy to discuss about my research project. I hope that my face was now swollen with sadness. We had a good one, the first meeting discussing the procedure. Hopefully the rest will be o.k.

While waiting at a bus station back home, this guy came passed me and asking ' are you o.k?' Damn,was it obvious, the misery really showed in my face. Even any stranger can see that. It is hard to hide the emotional fluctuation in me.

I came on Friday, hoping to see Robert, but happened to see Romas. He came to my room. I was not feeling alright. I was nervous, but I was prepared now to face the consequences. I am a student with some professional conduct. Respect me as one. Not just any student. I have my right as well. I did not deserve to have such behaviour from you.

It turned out that he just want to discuss my work, then he let me go by saying 'thank you'. That is the way the people, some people do. If they say that's it, thank you. It means that get off, I do not want to see you! He has changed, but for how long, I do not know!

Atas batu jemala patek@ 2004-12-03;1:57 p.m.

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